Only Ever Dead
by Only.Sorrow6283
Summary: Sometimes,I really hate myself for leaving him.I truly do.Edward and this brown-eyed,brown-haired beauty had the best of realtionships.Then a tragic accident tore them apart.Will they ever be together again?AU&AH.Please read the story.You will like it.
1. Chapter 1

I dragged myself up out of bed and into my shower. I turned on the hot water, letting it run over me, soothing and calming me. I washed my hair and my body and then stepped out of the shower, exposing my wet skin to the cold air. I grabbed my towel and quickly wrapped it around me. I walked back to my room and opened my closet, getting out my clothes for work. It was a simple outfit, but then again, everything I wore now was simple. I used to care about how I looked, but not any more. Not since_ it_ happened.

I pulled on my underclothes and then my white tank top. On top of that, I put on my simple black sweater and then I pulled on my black pants. I grabbed my shoes, my car keys, and my black bag. Then I ran out into the rain to my car.

I got to Casey's Bridal Gowns (the place that I work), in ten minutes. I pulled up, got out, and ran to the front door. I unlocked the building and turned on all the lights. Then I set out dress catalogs and I started the coffee maker. Finally, I went to the bag room and sat, waiting for the first customer to arrive.

Thirty-two minutes and two cups of coffee later, I heard the door open. I slowly got out and started walking up out of the room. Then I heard voices.

"Hello, Is any body here?" A bell like voice asked. It sounded like a girl's voice.

"Alice, calm down. Give the person a minute to come out." This was a different voice. A much different voice. It was deep and velvety, almost musical. It defiantly belonged to a man. It also sounded familiar.

"Yeah Alice. Listen to him." This was a girl's voice, but not the same as before. It sounded snotty and childish.

"I was just getting their attention. Jeesh, since when is that a crime Edward." The girl named Alice said, defending herself.

At the sound of that name, I stopped walking. Edward? I hadn't heard that name for a while. Could it be him? I hoped not.

_Be reasonable. _I told my self. _Lots of other people are named Edward, though I can't seem to think of any right now. _

I moved my feet once again and walked out to the main room. Three people were in front of me. There was a small female with short black hair and blue eyes. She wore a very pretty blue and white flowered top. Then there was another girl, taller that the other, with shoulder length brown hair. She had her arm linked around the man's arm. The man who looked dreadfully familiar with his bronze hair and emerald green eyes.

Oh. My. Gosh. It's him. It's the same bronze hair and green eyes. The same melodious voice. It's Edward. Ohmygosh… what am I going to do? He can't see me, not now, not ever. I quickly dropped my head to stare at the black and white tiled flooring.

"Hello, welcome to Casey's Bridal Gowns. How may I help you?" I asked. I had to tell them my name, but I didn't want them to know who I was. I thought quickly. "I'm Veronica and I'm here to help."

"Hello Veronica," said Alice. "I'm Alice, she's Hannah, and he's my brother, Edward. We are looking for dresses for Hannah and me." I looked up at Alice, but only Alice. I didn't let my gaze fall on Hannah or … Edward.

"Come right this way." I said. "Would you like … Edward to come too?" Say no, say no, say no! I hoped they didn't notice my pause.

"In traditional weddings, the groo-" Alice was cut off.

"Yes, of course!" Hannah exclaimed. I turned and started walking towards the dress room. They all followed me and started Oooooing and Ahhhhhing over the dresses. Edward stayed quiet.

"So, why don't you pick out your five favorite dresses and then you can both try them on." I suggested. Both Hannah and Alice smiled and started to walk off through the dresses. I was alone, with Edward. Oh, joy. I looked over to him and saw him staring at me and turned back quickly, blushing furiously.

"Do I know you?" He asked, flawlessly.

"No, sorry." I said quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Do I know you?" He asked, flawlessly. _

_"No, sorry." I said quickly._

Just then, Hannah and Alice came walking back over (More like prancing, in Alice's case.) with many dresses in their arms. I walked swiftly over to them and helped them into the dressing rooms. They each had four dresses. This was going to take a while.

_Three hours and six cups of coffee later_

Wow.

That's all I have to describe what happened for the past three hours. But I'll get into that another time. I'm guessing you probably want to know how I know Edward. Well, I guess I'll tell you.

It started about nine years ago.

Edward and I had gone to the same high school, Latrobe Valley High School. We had known each other though, since we were toddlers. But that is another story for another time. So, where was I? Oh yes, High school.

Edward and I were high school sweethearts. We had dated for three years and it was our senior year. We did everything together. We would go to the store to pick up my mother's prescription together, we went to the park to walk his dog, Lily, together, and we even went to my friend's houses together. We were inseparable. Until that fateful day. It was the most terrible day of my life.

That day, I had to go to visit my grandmother and Edward had to stay to watch his little sister, Rosalie, so he couldn't come with me. I just knew something bad was going to happen that day. Something bad didn't happen. Something _Terrible _happened that day. Edward had gone on a walk with Rosalie and while walking, he tripped on a rock. It doesn't sound that bad, right? Wrong, it gets ever worse. When he fell, he hit his head in a certain place and at a certain angle. He hit the part of his brain that stores his memories and when he fell, he injured it very badly. Rosalie had screamed until some man came rushing up to her and helped her with Edward. The man called 911 on his cell phone and Edward was rushed to the hospital.

When I got home at about five o'clock, I called Edward. When he didn't answer his cell phone, I called his house. Then, Esme answered. I remember our conversation perfectly.

_Flashback_

_"Hel-lo?" I hear Esme's voice answer shakily _

"_Hello Esme, Is Edward there?" I ask her. All I hear is her cries over the phone. Suddenly, I know what is wrong. I hold in a cry that threatens to escape my lips. I almost hang up when Carlisle picks up the phone._

_"Honey, something's happened to Edward. He fell today and hit his head off a rock. They had to rush him to the hospital. He lost a lot of blood and the doctor's aren't sure- sure if he'll live. But they said that if he does live, he will have lost a good portion of his memory. I'm sorry honey." Now I hang up. I can't – can't listen to what happened to Edward. I collapse onto my floor and break into sobs._

_Flashback_

I hated myself that day. I truly did. I should have forced Edward to come with me. It might have saved him severe brain damage and saved me a broken heart. You see, even though Edward lived through his incident, he forgot a big part of his life. Mostly all the time he spent with me was what he forgot. I remember the day that I was allowed to see him like it happened yesterday.

_Flashback_

_"Okay honey, you can go in now." The nurse tells me. She opens the door and I tentatively stick my head in the room. Now I see him. My heart aches for his touch that has been absent for many weeks. I walk inside quietly and I sit in one of the hospital chairs provided for the visitors. _

_I am not sure how to approach him. My heart takes control over my mind and body and I am now running to him. I bend over him and kiss him on the lips, hard. He wakes up. His eyes look all over the room, adjusting to the light and objects in it. He finally looks at me. But it is not a loving look. It is a hateful look. _

_"Who are you?" He almost yells at me. I look back at him in shock. How can he not know me? I am his life. _

_"Edward, honey, it's me. Your girlfriend. Don't you remember?" I ask him. He shakes his head then winces. "Here, let me help you with tha-" _

_"Don't touch me!" This time he yells. Loudly. _

_"Edward, babe, it's only me. I'm not going to hurt you. Just let me help yo-"_

_"I said, Don't touch me!" It is now a scream. The nurse comes rushing in. She sees me and walks over to me. _

_"Come here honey. You must leave him be now. He's tired." She tries to pull me off the bead but I stay there. I have tears falling down my face but I don't care. I am just looking into Edward's eyes, feeling his rejection and hate pour out into me. _

_He doesn't remember me. The cold, harmful truth settles into my heart. I lose it, right here in Edward's room. I start yelling my name at him, hoping he can remember. But he just keeps staring at me with his hateful glare. Two men rush into the room and help the nurse drag me out. I just keep yelling my name, yearning for him to remember. He yelled something at me before they shut the door. _

_"I hate you!" He yells at me. And then the door shuts. I feel his words sink in. I realize he doesn't want me. I fall to the floor and start to weep uncontrollably. _

_Flashback_

After that day, I realized I had to leave. I could not live in the place where I once felt so loved anymore. That night I had packed my bags and got the heck out of there. I told my parents I loved them and hopped on the first train out of town. I ended up in Portland, Oregon. But I couldn't stay there either. It was too close, only one state away from Him. I bought a plane ticket to Pennsylvania. I went to a town called Johnstown. I have lived there now for six years. I am twenty-three and will be twenty-four in two months. Edward is twenty-four and is getting married to a twenty-two year-old. I always pictured me marrying Edward. But that dream was shattered when Edward hit his head. Sometimes, I really hate myself for leaving him. I truly do.

**If you want, you can look at the pictures of some of the clothes on my profile. I hope you like this chapter. I must have written and rewritten it at least three times. I like the way it turned out and I hope you do too.**

**Love you,**

**Haliee**


	3. Chapter 3

_Sometimes, I really hate myself for leaving him. I truly do._

-:-

When I woke up the next day, I threw up everywhere. I had to call in sick. But that was okay because I didn't really want to go to work today. Hannah and Alice's dresses were coming in today and they were picking them up. I didn't really want to see them. No, I just really didn't want to see Edward. I wonder if deep down inside him, he still knew who I was. I really hoped so.

I also wondered if his family still knew me. They probably did. I had dated Edward for three years, they should remember me. Alice was their cousin, I remember Edward telling me once. Maybe I could get to know Alice better, and maybe she could invite me over to dinner and Esme and Carlisle could see me and would recognize me.

Then what? I asked my self. Sure, they would know who I was but they couldn't force Edward to remember. I sighed. Then I felt a queasy sensation in my stomach and ran for my bathroom. Today was going to be a long day.

-:-

Then next morning, I woke up feeling much better than I did before. I stopped throwing up at about six o'clock yesterday and I was very happy about that. I got out of my bed and got into my shower.

_Thirty- six Minutes Later_

While I was getting another cup of coffee from the coffee pot in the front, Hannah and Alice came in, along with two other girls. One of them sort of looked like Hannah's sister and the other looked like Edward's sister, Rosalie. When Rosalie saw me, she looked at my strangely, as if I was someone who she knew but she couldn't put my name and face together.

"Hi Veronica." Alice said happily. "This is Jennifer, Hannah's older sister and this is Rosalie, my cousin. They're also going to be in the wedding and we need to get their dresses. And we need to pick up our dresses."

"Did Edward get sick of all the dresses from the other day?" I asked playfully. Rosalie, who had been looking through the dress catalogues, whipped her head around to stare and me. I saw the connection in her eyes when she heard my voice.

"Be-" She started to say my name and then I shook my head ever so slightly, shutting her up. She still stared at me, like she was seeing a ghost or something. I didn't blame her, I probably looked like one compared to how I looked when she knew me.

"Let's go to the back to pick out the dresses." I said. I lead them back to where the dresses were and told them to go pick a few out to try on. Jennifer and Hannah went down one row of dresses to look for the bride of honor dress and Alice went with Rosalie down another to look for another bridesmaid dress. I just waited.

_One and-a- half hours later_

Finally, they're done! Seriously though, they took a long time. They took one half hour to pick out the dresses and then and hour to try them one. It didn't take as long as Hannah and Alice, but it took long enough. I just went into the back room to get Alice and Hannah's dresses. I found the big bundles and brought them out. I gave them to Alice and Hannah and they both smiled happily.

"Here Alice," I said, handing her a slip of paper with my number on it. "You can call me if there are any problems with the dresses, okay?"

"Thanks Veronica." She said, smiling and putting the piece of paper in her purse. I returned the smile and then rang up their purchases. They paid and then left, telling me that someone would be here tomorrow to pick up Rosalie's and Jennifer's dresses. I smiled and waved goodbye. Once they were gone, I sat down on my stool and sighed.

-:-

I got home at around six twenty-two that evening. I walked inside my house and turned on my lights. Then I walked into my kitchen and got started on my dinner, macaroni & cheese. I was in the middle of eating it when my cell phone rang. I walked over to my bag and got in out staring at the caller I.D. in wonder. It read,

_Alice Cullen_

_832-633-9273_

"Hello?"

"_Veronica? This is Alice Cullen." _Why the heck was she calling me?!

"Oh, hi. Is something wrong with the dress?" I really hoped not.

_"Oh, no. Nothing's wrong with the dress. It's perfect. Um, I was wandering, would you be willing to join me for lunch tomorrow?" _Why was she asking me this?

"Um, sure?" It sounded like a question. "What time?"

_"Uh, around noon. I'll come pick you up."_ Oh, duh. Noon. Lunch time. It made sense.

"Okay, sound's good. See you then." In other words, goodbye. There was a pause.

"Alice?" I asked.

_"Veronica, do you mind if I bring someone else too?"_ She sounded scared, as if I would refuse.

"Hannah?" I asked. I didn't really like Hannah. But if Alice brought her, I would be okay. There was another pause.

_"No, not Hannah." _She said. When she said Hannah's name, she said it with a sort of resentment. I never noticed that before. I wonder why.

"Uh, sure." Was my brilliant reply.

"_Great! I'll see you tomorrow! Bye!"_ Then she hung up.

"Bye." I muttered to myself.

**Okay everybody!**

**I have a question. For 'Veronica's' Lunch Tomorrow, should I have Edward or Rosalie tag along. I'm leaning towards Rosalie but I want to hear your input. PM or Reveiw me okay? Good. And now...**

**Thank you so much to:**

**RobinCullen05**

**bellaculen**

**Xavier Willow**

**Red Bull Gives You Wings**

**RoseHaleBabi**

**For Reviewing!!! **

**I hope you like this chapter! Pictures of the dresses are on my profile. If you have any questions or comments, PM or Review!!!**

**Love you all!**

**Haliee**


	4. Chapter 4

_"Bye." I muttered to myself._

-:-

I was tossing and turning all night. I absolutely could not get to sleep!! I felt like crap when I got into the shower in the morning. I took forever to get ready to go to work. Then I had to do my make-up. I usually never wore make-up but I was going to lunch with Alice Cullen today so I wanted to look nice.

As a result of my applying make-up, I was late to work. I rushed inside and set everything up. About four minutes later, a silver Volvo parked in front of the store. A man stepped out of the car and his bronze hair glinted in the sunlight. Oh no. Edward was here. Why was he here?

He walked in the door and gave me a small smile. I think I returned the smile, but I'm not sure. I wasn't really thinking clearly. He stood there looking at me for a moment. I was just looking back, resisting the urge to run to him. Then, my voice kicked in.

"Hello Edward, What can I help you with today?" I asked, very politely if I do say so myself.

"Ummm, I'm supposed to be picking up Jennifer and Rosalie's dresses, remember?" He said, and the silence following implied the ominous _duh._ I almost smacked my forehead.

"Oh, right, the dresses. They are in the back room. Just hold on a minute." I said, practically running into the back room. I found the dresses quickly and then calmed myself down for a moment. After I composed myself, I walked out and handed him the dresses. No, that didn't really happen. Instead, after I composed myself, I started to walk and then halfway there, I tripped on the hem of Rosalie's dress and fell. As I fell, I heard an awful ripping noise. I fell to the floor, skidding as I went. Great, just what I needed, to fall in front of my boyfriend. No, ex- boyfriend, I corrected myself.

"Oh crap!" I yelled when I fell. I ended up falling right at Edward's feet.

"Here let me help you." He said, bending down to help me up.

"Thanks." I said, trying to get up. As he tried to help me up, my leg got twisted and I ended up falling over again, only this time I brought Edward down as well. With an _oof! _he landed on top of me. Great, just great.

Staring up at his eyes while he was on top of me almost made me lose it. Then and there I wanted to kiss him. But I only had one reason not to. He doesn't remember me. That kept me from breaking free of these chains that keep me bound to this place. I knew that I couldn't go anywhere else because of Edward. My life shattered when Edward hit his head, and a part of me died. The part of me that wanted to reach out and let go, it wasn't in me anymore. I was just plain old, boring, withdrawn me.

"Sorry," He said, quickly getting up.

"It's okay, I'm sorry actually. I'm so clumsy." I said, my face getting red. I got up myself without his help and made sure nothing was broken.

"You know, you remind me of someone I used to know, but I can't place your face with a name. Is your first name really Veronica?" He asked innocently. I froze, about to look at the dresses. Had he figured me out? I really hoped not.

"No, it's not." I said slowly. He I felt his eyes on my back. Did I want to tell him the truth? Did I want him to know who I really was? I don't know what to do.

"It's not?" He asked, surprised. "What is it then?"

I took a deep breath. It was time to tell the truth. Or was it? Did I want to expose my self this early? I shouldn't, but I had this feeling that I should. I am so confused! What should I do?!

Yes. Tell him the truth and hope he remembers. Then what? He'll dump his fiancée and run off with me to get married. Yeah, that'll happen.

No. Let him believe the lie that you've told him. Who knows how he'll react? Remember what he did before? Great plan.

Lie again. He believed it the first time, didn't he? He thinks I'm trustworthy. But I am trustworthy, aren't I? Except for this huge mess of lies, yeah. What will I do?

I took deep breath.

"Well…"

**You guys are going to hate me for the cliffy, but it is necessary. But you guys will also hate me for what I am doing next. After this chapter, I'm going strait to the chapter with Alice and the mystery guest. I will get back to what 'Veronica' says to Edward, but not right away. It should be up by Sunday at the latest. I hope you like the chapter!**

**Thank you so much to:**

**RobinCullen05**

**bellaculen**

**Red Bull Gives You Wings**

**For Reviewing!!! **

**I love you all,**

**Haliee**


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